Identify the rigid rules and demands you place on yourself and others — then loosen their grip.
Recognise the hidden "should" rules that govern your thoughts, feelings, and actions
Challenge where these demands come from and whether they are truly serving you
Replace rigid rules with softer, more compassionate alternatives that leave room for being human
A simple daily practice to help you catch "should" thinking before it takes hold
Start by listing all of the "should," "must," and "ought" statements you notice yourself making — about yourself, about others, and about life. Then work through each section, taking your time with the questions. There are no right or wrong answers — the goal is awareness and flexibility, not perfection.
Write down all of the "should," "must," and "ought" rules you notice yourself holding. Don't filter or judge — just list them as they come. Include rules you apply to yourself, to others, and to life in general.
Choose the most demanding "should" statement from your list above — the one that feels the most rigid or the most distressing. Write it below, then work through the questions that follow.
List the advantages and disadvantages of holding onto this belief or rule. Be honest — there may be real advantages, and that is worth acknowledging.
Rewrite your "should" statement using a softer, more flexible phrase. The goal is not to abandon your values — it is to hold them more gently, without turning them into rigid demands.
Spend five minutes each day writing down or saying aloud all of the "should," "must," and "ought" statements you notice. Over time, this practice helps you recognise just how many unhelpful and unrealistic demands you place on yourself and others — and how automatic they have become.