Unhelpful rules and assumptions quietly shape how we live. This worksheet helps you examine them honestly — and build something kinder and more flexible in their place.
Bring your hidden "if–then" assumptions into the open where they can be examined.
Look honestly at what supports and contradicts your old rule — with curiosity, not judgement.
Replace rigid beliefs with a balanced, compassionate alternative that serves you better.
Identify the small behavioural shifts that will help your new rule take root in daily life.
How It Works
Work through each section in order. Take your time — honest reflection leads to the most useful results.
Write down the rule or assumption you want to work on. It often sounds like: "If I don't… then…" or "I must always…"
Reflect on where this rule came from. What experiences, messages, or relationships helped form it?
Consider how this rule has helped you — and how it has held you back or caused you difficulty.
Look for real examples that support or challenge the rule. Try to be as balanced and specific as possible.
Write a more flexible, compassionate rule — then plan the small steps that will help you live by it.
Your Worksheet
Fill in each section below, then save your entry.
Rules and assumptions are the "if–then" beliefs that govern how we act. For example: "If I show weakness, people will reject me" or "I must always put others first." They often developed for good reasons but can become too rigid over time.
Write the rule as clearly as you can. Try using "If… then…" or "I must / I should…" format.
Think back to when this rule might have formed. What experiences, people, or messages shaped it?
Be honest about both sides. What has this rule given you — and what has it cost you?
Look for specific examples from your life that either support or challenge this rule.
Write a new rule that is kinder, more flexible, and more realistic. It should feel genuinely believable — not just positive.
How might your life improve if you lived by this new rule? What would become possible?
What will you do differently to start living by your new rule? List specific, small actions you can take.
What might get in the way of living by your new rule? Think about situations, feelings, or habits that could pull you back.
Plan how you will respond when you notice the old rule taking over. What will you say to yourself? Who or what can help?
Changing deeply held rules takes time and repeated practice. Every time you choose to act according to your new rule — even in a small way — you are rewiring old patterns. Be patient and compassionate with yourself throughout this process.