Examine your wrongdoing with honesty and proportion, express your remorse, and take the steps needed to move forward.
"To be wrong is nothing unless you continue to remember it."
Confucius
Examine intention, control, and the role of others — so you can see the full picture clearly
Not all and not none — take responsibility for exactly your contribution, no more and no less
Articulate what you regret and the wish behind it — the first step toward genuine repair
Commit to a change in behaviour that lets you learn from the mistake and grow past it
Guilt is a complex emotion that tends to arise when we interpret one of our actions as having broken an internal moral code. Guilt focuses on what we have done to harm others and our desire to repair that hurt. A related — but different — emotion is shame, which involves the whole sense of self being inferior or bad, not just a specific behaviour.
People can experience too much or too little guilt. Those who feel chronic guilt often take too much responsibility for bad outcomes; others deflect entirely and blame those around them. The goal is to own your part — exactly your part — with honesty and proportion.
Put what happened into perspective. Look carefully at your intention, how much control you actually had, the contribution of others, and the true degree of harm caused. Honest reflection — not self-flagellation — is the goal.
We do not learn without making mistakes, and it is impossible to go through life without making blunders. It is right to feel remorse when you have acted hurtfully — but good people do wrong things without being bad people. Use these prompts to take responsibility, express your regret, and commit to change.